Photo: Steven Price
August 21st — Pittsburgh, PA | Keynote Cafe
I finally feel rested. After 3 days straight of 2-3 hour nights I was left exhausted, and emotional. I’m so happy I’m on a tour that feels like such a community. Immediately after our set I went outside, and had a complete mental breakdown. It was as if everything in my life hit me at once brought on by my exhaustion. That being said, my family on this tour made me feel so loved. I have an unfortunate habit of self-loathing, and they all made me feel appreciated, and I don’t know how I’ll repay them, but I hope I can someday.
A tour like this is something I’ve wanted for a long time, and it’s amazing that it’s happened, but the last couple days my mind has been weighing towards an inner monologue asking “what happens next?” What happens when kids stop coming, and no one likes our music anymore? If it’s not something that goes on forever, then it has to end someday. I don’t know what I will do. I can’t go back to school because of financial debt, and the only skill I have is in the field of customer service. So essentially when this is all over I’m left a cashier. I’m terrified everyday that it’s on the horizon. One of my best friends recently disclosed with me he’s starting school in September and not looking back. This saddens me deeply. He is one of the best performers I have ever seen, and when he’s on stage my blood rips through my veins. All it makes me wonder is, when will I be next?” I will miss him, and the thought of not having him around is not something I can stomach all at once.
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Today’s Soundtrack:
“Complications” — I Can Make a Mess Like Nobody’s Business
