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Rick Rubin to produce new Justin Bieber album

LOS ANGELES – The pre-teens and paparazzi that packed themselves into the Westside Pavilion Mall on Wednesday buzzed excitedly as they awaited a surprise press conference about to take place in Hot Topic.

The event, announced only hours before but spread quickly through blogs nationwide, was held to announce the news that producer-extraordinaire and beard aficionado Rick Rubin would be helming the next album from 16-year-old pop phenom Justin Bieber.

The pair appeared in front of hundreds of eager fans, with Rubin oddly carrying Bieber onto the stage piggyback style.

“Justin is one of the brightest young talents I have seen in decades,” Rubin announced from behind his trademark sunglasses. “From the first time I saw his video, I’ve been waiting months for the chance to give him my special touch.”

The album, which will reportedly be called Busy Little Biebers, will feature guest appearances from an all-star list of artists that have worked with Rubin in the past, including U2’s Bono, Weezer’s Rivers Cuomo and Misfits founder Glenn Danzig. Rubin also stated that he hopes to sample unreleased recordings of the late Johnny Cash for a posthumous duet with the young pop singer.

“I’m sure John would have seen a lot of himself in Justin, just as I have seen parts of myself in Justin, many times,” Rubin said.

Other songs that have already been written for the album include One Last Caress, which will feature Danzig on synthesizer, “Goin’ Ham,” “One More One Song” and the first single, “Backwards Hats.”

“I want to show the world a more mature and emotional side of Justin Bieber. I want to go deeper into this boy than anyone has gone before,” Rubin proclaimed.

Before the event had reached it’s finale, the Twitter-world had ignited with Bieber chat. Many celebrities, including ‘Lil Mama, Zoe Saldana, and two Kardashians, showed their support for the collaboration, while Courtney Love added that she had also gotten a piggyback ride from Rick Rubin in 2001.

Others disagreed, including Slayer guitarist and frequent Rubin collaborator Kerry King who tweeted simply, “That Bieber kid is such a pussy.”

As the press conference neared it’s end, Bieber took to the microphone for the first time and was greeted with thunderous applause.

“Rick has become a great friend recently,” Bieber stated, “From our frequent writing and yoga sessions to our weekly hot tub socials, we‘ve made an exciting connection. Sometimes we just play Twister for hours. I’m very eager to share our relationship with the world.”

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