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Osbournes Unveil F–ing Family Album

The first family of metal turned reality TV darlings the Osbournes hit midtown Manhattan to unveil a new album Wednesday and conjured up the requisite amount of vulgarity and bickering.

Between f-bombs and friendly put-downs, patriarch Ozzy (greeting the press via satellite from London), matriarch Sharon, daughter Kelly and son Jack introduced The Osbourne Family Album, a collection of tracks handpicked – and in some cases recorded – by the family. The compilation, due June 11, runs through more mood changes than your average Osbournes holiday dinner, slamming tracks from System of a Down, the Kinks and Ozzy himself against more sedate numbers from John Lennon, Eric Clapton and Pat Boone.

“There’s a little story that goes with each song, so it means a lot to us,” Sharon said.

The album will bring the official release of Kelly’s cover of the 1986 Madonna hit “Papa Don’t Preach.”

“I’m handing the torch over to my daughter,” Ozzy said of the track.

Kelly recorded the song last month and recently shot a video for the track in Los Angeles with director Marcos Siega.

Explaining the cover, Kelly said, “I love Madonna. Who doesn’t?”

“I don’t,” Jack quickly offered.

Kelly’s frequent nemesis took a more behind-the-scenes approach to his contribution.

“I am about as musical as a nail,” he explained.

Jack stepped into his role as budding A&R man for the album, kicking in “Mirror Image” from up-and-comers Dillusion.

Family Album will also be thick with sentimental favorites, including the Lennon classic “Imagine” and Clapton’s “Wonderful Tonight,” both of which provided the soundtrack for Ozzy and Sharon’s courtship.

The album also includes plenty of Ozzy, including his hits “Crazy Train” and “Mama, I’m Coming Home.” The collection also carries the Boone cover of “Crazy Train” as well as the Kinks’ “You Really Got Me,” which Ozzy credited as “the first heavy metal riff I ever heard in my life.”

While there was plenty to say about the album, the family also found time to rail against others as well. Asked about other rockers like Alice Cooper, Gene Simmons and Dee Snider who’ve found mainstream acceptance (and endorsement deals) in recent years, Sharon said, “The difference is the people that you just mentioned don’t sell records. Yes, they’re infamous, but they don’t sell records and they don’t sell tickets.”

The family’s sharpest barbs, though, were saved for Ted Nugent, who recently said that “The Osbournes” portrays Ozzy as a “blithering idiot.”

“F– him. He’s hardly a f–ing god now,” Jack shot back.

“I’m going to cut his d– off,” Sharon declared.

Track Listing For The Osbourne Family Album:

  • Pat Boone – “Crazy Train”
  • Ozzy Osbourne – “Dreamer”
  • Kelly Osbourne – “Papa Don’t Preach”
  • The Kinks – “You Really Got Me”
  • System of a Down – “Snowblind”
  • John Lennon – “Imagine”
  • The Cars – “Drive”
  • Starsailor – “Good Souls”
  • Dillusion – “Mirror Image”
  • Eric Clapton – “Wonderful Tonight”
  • Ozzy Osbourne – “Mama, I’m Coming Home”
  • Ozzy Osbourne – “Crazy Train”
  • Chevelle – “Family System”
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