Now that Triumph the Insult Comic Dog’s run-in with Eminem at the VMAs has blown over, the puppet pooch is about to start static with another pack of rappers. And like them, he’s cooking up his beef on wax.
Triumph, who became Eminem’s unwitting sparring partner at this year’s MTV Video Music Awards, said he expects to drop Songs in the Key of Poop this winter on Warner Bros. Records, although finishing touches are still being applied and a spokesperson for Warner couldn’t confirm the title at press time. The “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” correspondent has already secured a guest spot from comedian Adam Sandler and is open to accommodating more cameos, but don’t count on hearing from a couple of artists who would seem like a natural fit.
“Snoop and Bow Wow,” he moaned. “I’m so tired of hearing, ‘Why don’t you perform with Lil’ Bow Wow? Get it? Because he’s a dog?’ ” he asked rhetorically in a mock-little-girl’s voice.
“Screw him, you know?” he said, returning to his mysterious south-of-the-border accent. “There’s only room for one dog, my friend. Lil’ Bow Wow, he can rap. I can rap, but I can lick myself, too.
“No dogs on this album,” Triumph swore. “No Snoop, no Lil’ Bow Wow, no Courtney Love… ”
The songs on the LP bear titles like “Benji’s Queer” and “Doggie Style,” which Triumph described as a love song with a rap in it. He was even generous enough to offer a sample: “Lady left Tramp for a taste of my G/ I got the Westminster poodles lining up for me/ Lassie even gave me her IUD/ As a keepsake, I got Toto’s brassiere.”
“I forgot the rest,” he said apologetically, before suddenly remembering the kicker: “Benji hit on my ass.”
“I humped Mary Hart’s leg on the ‘ET’ set,” he continued. “I got Phil Jackson’s crotch on the Lakers’ team jet.”
Another song, the Caribbean-flavored “Little Roundworm,” concerns every parasite-plagued canine’s plight: “Little roundworm; tiny roundworm/ Must you live in the ass of a hound, worm?”
“This is going to blow the roof off the whole dog world,” Triumph declared.